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Crafting a personalized AA Amends Script can provide a structured guide for this process, ensuring that your acknowledgment of wrongdoing, expression of regret, and commitment to change are articulated. Whether or not you’re intimately familiar with the Twelve Steps of AA, you’ve probably heard of Step Nine. Making Amends with Others has positioned itself in the public eye to a degree that many of the other eleven steps haven’t. That’s because it attempts to rectify the outward consequences of the disease.
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Ideally, it should be done when the person is in a receptive state and ready to hear your apology. This involves considering a sustained period of sobriety and the readiness of both parties to engage with one another, at least for this purpose. An effective acknowledgment is free from excuses, focusing solely on the harm caused rather than attempting to justify the behavior that led to it. Acknowledging the damage caused, though challenging, is a critical step for our recovery. The script also aids in initiating the amends process with an outreach message to confirm if the person is open to receiving an apology. This makes the script a powerful tool for managing things in a structured, thoughtful, and sensitive manner.
The changes that occur due to your efforts positively affect your commitment to becoming a better friend, child, parent, or person all around. Jose Hernandez, for over a decade, has been involved in alcohol and addiction recovery helping people succeed in overcoming substance abuse and regaining control of their lives. He has experience in all aspects of the recovery world, from facilitating entry into treatment as an intervention specialist to counseling and case management at rehabilitation facilities. Making amends is a pivotal part of the AA 12-step recovery process. It requires acknowledging past mistakes, expressing genuine regret, and committing to change.
Living Amends
In the making of an amend, be prepared for a variety of reactions including acceptance, indifference, or even outright hostility. It’s definitely central to respect the desires of individuals who opt out and to concentrate on your recovery, rather than on achieving forgiveness or easing personal guilt. An amends letter can be a powerful way to communicate intentions when direct communication is not possible. Begin with a sincere apology, being specific about the wrongs committed instead of making vague statements of guilt. This specificity strengthens the impact of your amends letter and shows that you have thoroughly reflected on your actions.
It encourages thoughtful and responsible actions in the process of making amends. A well-crafted script can serve as a conversational guide, ensuring your list of wrong actions, apologies, and discussions for making amends are addressed and not lost in the moment. And love motivates individuals to give selflessly, positively impacting the lives of others. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior.
What does living amends mean?
These involve acknowledging faults and resolving to live well in the future to make up for past wrongs. For example, one might consider making indirect amends when the harmed person is deceased or contact would cause further harm. Making amends in recovery is about more than just righting wrongs—it’s about building a better version of yourself. It’s a courageous step that strengthens your recovery, heals relationships, and brings peace of mind.If you’re on this journey, know that it’s okay to ask for help. Whether you’re navigating a 12-Step program or another form of recovery, support from counselors, peers, or mentors can make all the difference. And remember, every step forward—no matter how small—is a step toward healing.
If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. I have made many amends for my past while living as an alcoholic. It is freedom from behaviors that do not live up to the new life in sobriety I am choosing to live.
What do you say when making an AA amendment?
- An apology is just a verbal acknowledgment of wrongdoing, whereas an amend means actively repairing relationships and showing dedication to change.
- It’s important to note that making amends is for the person we hurt.
- And love motivates individuals to give selflessly, positively impacting the lives of others.
- It’s an integral challenge that necessitates confronting personal feelings of shame, pride, or entitlement.
- An example of Step 9 amends is when someone in recovery apologizes for stealing and then makes it right by returning the stolen property.
When he runs out of clean clothes, I don’t lecture or offer solutions. In cases involving abuse, whether emotional, physical, or sexual, reaching out to apologize can be harmful and counterproductive. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.
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- It’s about facing reality, acknowledging specific errors, and committing to change past behaviors.
- But the rewards you’ll reap from living amends can help make the challenges easier and more productive.
- An indirect amend is appropriate when direct communication might cause further harm, or someone we harmed has passed away.
These interactions foster sincerity and openness, essential for the healing process. One of the best ways you can make long-lasting changes to your relationships is by being true to your word. Essentially, don’t make promises that you can’t keep and do everything you can to live up to the promises you do make. The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes. However, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at your new, honest and sober lifestyle.
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Very commonly the cause helped is related heroin addiction in some way to the damage done. Admitting the wrongdoing is the initial step in developing your amends script. This signifies the acceptance of one’s responsibility for harmful actions. It involves specifying the particular behaviors and actions that led to harm, ensuring the admission is not vague or wishy-washy.
In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life. It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different. Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life. Making these types of life changes is difficult and requires lots of hard, emotionally-complex work, but it’s worth all the effort in the end.
The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you. In recovery, we can make an indirect amend with a person we harmed in the past, who since passed away, by volunteering time to a cause they truly cared about in their life. To make direct amends, it is important we are willing to make amends to the person face-to-face, no matter what happens, and respond in love and tolerance to anything they say.
We are not tied to the old behaviors of our disease, or to our character defects. Although it sounds lofty, there are realistic, achievable ways to implement examples of making amends. A few months back, she was traveling for an extended period of time. Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom. She came home to what she described as “a completely different house”. My living amends to my mother is to be fully present in my life so I can be fully present in hers.
